The Adventures of Eva and Chachamaru
by Ixthedamned
Summary: A short humour fluff shoujoai fic. EvaChachamaru. Eva gets addicted to a relaxation technique that Chachamaru learns off of late night British TV...
1. Chapter 1

The usual disclaimers: I don't own any of the characters, they are in fact owned by Kami Akamatsu Ken Sensei and we must all therefore bow to him. If you havent either read, (or seen Xebec's pitiful excuse for an anime) Negima then this story will probably not make much sense to you and you should click the Back button on your browser now.  
On with the show... 

The Adventures of Evangeline and Chachamaru (Eva to Chachamaru no bouken)

Part the firste

"Goddamnit!"

The front door to the tiny off-campus log cabin slammed back on its hinges as the tiny vampiroid shape of Evangeline stormed in through it, closely followed by the taller silent form of Chachamaru, seemingly oblivious to her mistress' anger.

"Goddamnit!"

Throwing herself down onto her three seater sofa, the hundred plus year old vampire sulked like a petulant five year old. Chachamaru disappeared into the kitchen and reappeared an impossibly short instant later, carrying a tray bearing a steaming teapot and Evangeline's favourite teacup; the one with the humerous phrase about British people on it.

Evangeline continued fuming, arms crossed and eyes shooting lightning bolts at Chachamaru as she served the tea without so much as an upward glance. She scowled, and went back to watching the steam spiralling up from her tea. Actual emotions were lost on clockwork and magically powered puppets like Chachamaru.

"Why?" Eva still avoided the other's gaze. Chachamaru's movement sensors registered a small tremor in her mistress' hands, but chose to ignore it as part of her usual temper tantrums, "Why did you let that lying bastard's son save me?" Not half an hour previously, Negi Springfield, son of the Thousand master, Eva's "captor" had saved her from falling into the river after the unexpected return of power to the Mahora campus. Evangeline gritted her teeth, "Now I owe him a life debt" she muttered, absent-mindedly cupping her tea.

"It was unfortunate that mistress lost", said Chachamaru, simply, and moved to return to the kitchen with the empty tray, sensing that the worst of the tantrum seemed to have past.

"Come back here, Chachamaru..." Eva made no effort to disguise the menace in her voice. Chachamaru stopped and turned round, heading back towards the table. Her mistress drained the dregs of her tea in a single gulp, and pushed the coffee table away to one side.

"But I was under the impression that Mistress preferred this in bed." The sentence was not an objection, merely a statement, but Eva shot her a look anyway.

"I want it now. Get down there you baka robot," she snapped, as Chachamaru knelt down between her legs. "Un", she grunted, as she felt firm hands massage at her sensitive spots and her tension start to ebb away. As Chachamaru worked away, Eva's relaxed, dreamy expression suddenly gave way to emo contortion and the robot was pushed away by the shoulders.

"OW!" she yelled, "BAKA Robot! Why can't you even do a simple foot massage?"

Chachamaru's expression had not changed, but she was definitely in apologetic mode.  
"I'm sorry mistress." she deadpanned, "it appears that during my last service, Hakase seems to have damaged my foot-massage subroutines"

Evangeline silently raged on the sofa. "What are you going to do about it then, baka-  
robot?"

Chachamaru ignored the nickname. "I have been researching other human relaxation techniques, mistress," she began.

"Tried all of them," Eva interrupted, dismissively. "You tried all of them on me. Don't work."

"This is a technique that Mistress has not tried before," she continued. "I was watching an educational documentary on it on British TV."

Slight interest filtered through Evangeline's features. She looked up, "What's it called?" she asked. Chachamaru told her. Her eyes grew wide as saucers. "That's...No, Chachamaru, no! You are forbidden to do that to me!" She moved to get up from the sofa, but Chachamaru had gotten a firm grip on her mistress' flailing arms and pinned them down with supernatural strength. "No! Go do it on Sakurazaki! I don't swing that way you baka-robot!" Metal clamps appeared from nowhere and secured Eva's flailing limbs.

"The programme informed me that you would stuggle at first," Chachamaru's calm features reflected in panicked eyes. "However, the after-effects of this particular type of massage seem to be quite agreeable, at least, this is what I can gather from the reactions of the people involved." Eva continued to struggle as the android sank down until only her long metallic ears were visible.

The lights stayed on in the cabin for much longer than usual that evening. Cries of "Ah, ah, that tickles, baka-robot!" and "NO! That'll never fit in there! OAAARG!" could be heard for a good distance around, and passers by might overhear a robotic voice apologising for not turning on the heating element in her tongue.

Nevertheless, the next morning, a very bemused Negi-sensei was happily greeted by a smiling Evangeline McDowell who actually bothered to turn up on time for his class.

"Are you sure you're feeling OK after last night, Evangeline-san?" he asked.

"Why? Is there something wrong with me being happy?" she grumbled, switching back to her usual mood.

"No...no, nothing wrong with that." protested a still-confused Negi, as Chachamaru came up to him and bowed.

"After Mistress' defeat last night, I performed cunnilingus on her from 2000 hours till 0230 hours this morning," she explained, in her usual deadpan. Evangeline returned to the front and hit her with the largest and heaviest English textbook in her desk. "Is there something wrong Mistress?"

"BAKA-ROBOT! Don't say that in front of the class! It's embarassing!" Evangeline looked round. Most of the girls had gone bright red. Asuna's mouth opened and closed involuntarily but words were somehow beyond her. Asakura was furiously scribbling down notes into her journalist's notepad, Negi and Nodoka blankly stared with youthful incomprehension and Setsuna and Konoka had quickly excused themselves to "visit the bathroom". Eva stormed out.

Her words echoed down the corridor. "BAKA ROBOT! Stop watching late night British TV!"

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	2. Chapter 2

Part the Seconde 

Over the next few weeks, Chachamaru noticed a few things. One was that despite all her mistress' protestations to the contrary, every evening she would be down on her knees as she rode her like a cowboy on a bucking bronco. Asakura-san had brought that simile to her attention, and though she had never met the aforementioned creature in question, she had a pretty good idea of how the cowboy's behind felt afterwards.

The second was that though her mistress put on her bravado act all through school, she still preferred the nightly sessions in which she would be securely strapped to her ancient four-poster (blindfolds and ballgags optional). "Coming like gangbusters" was the phrase Asakura had used. Chachamaru had no idea what or who these "Gangbusters" were, but she was pretty sure than they were loud. And violent. And probably quite wet.

Thirdly, she had noticed that since her mistress had gotten hooked on her current "hobby", certain classmates seemed to have got a lot more chatty towards her in the classroom. In particular, Sakurazaki Setsuna and Konoe Konoka seemed to be set on approaching her at separate occasions and asking her for tips and demonstrations. It had taken Chachamaru a few times to work out that they were not talking about her tea ceremony, and after that, she had gently declined on reason that her mistress was expecting her home promptly for her evening's "entertainment".

However, on one evening, when her mistress was away in the Headmaster's room on business, Chachamaru had accepted thier request of a demonstration, much to their surprise. She then proceeded to give a one hour demonstration in which Konoka came so hard she hit her head on the table and knocked herself out. Setsuna had been watching and making notes at the time, and a very speechless Negi who had come in on Sunday to finish up some paper work had had to be clobbered into submission and dragged off by a blushing and fuming Kagurazaki Asuna.

The requests had stopped after that. Chachamaru assumed that they were busy.  
However, when she told her mistress of this incident when she had returned that evening, Evangeline had punched her in the head, called her a "baka robot" and stormed off without drinking her tea. Chachamaru found this behaviour rather puzzling.

There had been requests from the senior school girls that Chachamaru set up a club and become head sensei, but she had declined, on the basis that it clashed with her and her mistress' Go club. Chachamaru had noticed that Ayase Yue had looked slightly disappointed at this and made a mental note to ask her that 'if you want such a club, then it would be best if you started one yourself' when she next saw her.

Late on a Thursday evening, Chachamaru returned home to her mistress' cabin late after tea ceremony club. Her mistress had not shown up as usual, and Chachamaru knew that this probably meant that Eva had tied herself up in the bedroom and left the key for the handcuffs out of reach again.

As usual, her clothes lay in a trail towards the master bedroom as she had discarded them. Chachamaru tutted and folded them neatly away into the dresser drawer.

As she entered the bedroom, her expression registered mild surprise. Instead of the bed, her mistress had constructed two brackets on the wall through which chains attached to her wrists, while her legs were tied to something that Asakura had referred to as a "spreader bar" as she had supplied said item with the obligatory nudge and wink.

Eva's head jerked up at the sound of the door. "Where have you been, baka robot! I've been waiting here for over an hour and my legs are starting to cramp!"

"I apologise, mistress. A first year girl was learning tea ceremony today and the club overran," came the matter-of-fact reply. Evangeline sulked as well as someone can who is chained naked to a wall.

However, it's hard to sulk when a robot who has calculated the best way to stimulate eight erogenous zones simultaneously is comitting acts of carnal knowledge on you.  
Twenty minutes later in the aftermath of one of Eva's "Gangbuster's" orgasms, a red faced vampire hung limp in her chains puffing like a terminal asthmatic while Chachamaru stood up to retrieve something from her schoolbag.

"Actually mistress, Asakura-san gave me something else for you today. She said that you might be ready for it now. I thought it strange, as she gave me three times more nudges and winks than usual."

Eva looked up, suddenly interested. "Another one of Asakura's toys? What is it? Show me, show me!" she demanded, gleefully.

Chachamaru pulled the object out of her bag. Evangeline's eyes boggled. "B...baka robot! That's impossible! Something like that.." Eva panicked, pulling feebly at her chains. "No! That thing'll kill me!"

Chachamaru meanwhile was disrobing and her clothes were neatly stacked on the bed. "Don't worry, mistress. I have been informed that a two inch width is quite agreeable for a human of your body size and I believe that mistress is immortal and unable to be killed by such a device". The colour drained from Evangeline's face as her partner drew closer with the Asakura's monstrous plaything. "I have also calculated that mistress is sufficiently lubricated sufficiently that pain levels will be within acceptable parameters"

There was an almost inaudible squelching sound and Eva's mouth opened in a silent scream. Her body spasmed once then fell limp. Chachamaru looked at the other end of the device, perplexed. "I apologise, mistress. I appear to lack the necessary orifices to use Asakura-san's "Double Dildo deluxe"(TM). I shall ask Hakase to add the necessary apparatus tomorrow morning."

Evangeline offered a silent thank-you to any gods who cared to listen.

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	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Chachamaru was puzzled. For some inexplicable reason, of late, Mistress Eva had become somewhat more withdrawn (well, more than is usual for a socially inept vampire). A while ago she had stopped wanting her regular oral servicing in the evenings, and it had become common for Chachamaru to come home after her school club activities to find Eva already tucked up in bed, back to the door, clothes strewn every which way and her X-spreader frame that she had bought with hand and leg restraints – empty and unloved.

During the day, when she wasn't required to sit next to Chachamaru or participate in some meaningless class activity that Negi-bouzu had thought up, she secreted herself away somewhere that Chachamaru had to work hard to find. After spending at least half the lunch break with her tracking algorithms she would find her lounging in the PE storeroom, or halfway down the outside fire escape, but only to be greeted with a flurry of blonde hair as she stormed off in the opposite direction.

Needless to say, this was not usual behaviour. Chachamaru had run the variables through her head countless times, but there was nothing that didn't seem to be out of order. There had been a shortage of her favourite kind of tea at the usual suppliers, but Evangeline seemed not to have noticed that she had switched to an inferior brand in the least. It was true that she was spending less and less time with her mistress. In addition to after-school club activities which Evangeline was in the habit of skipping, she had been asked to conduct classes by Sakurazaki-san on...she called them…"womanly skills". There had been a surprisingly large uptake. At the first class, there had been not only an eager Setsuna Sakurazaki, but also a fairly confused Konoka Konoe and a furiously erudite Asuna Kagurazaki ("only here because Konoka's here"). In addition there were the usual complement of hangers on – Asakura and Haruna had come along out of curiosity. Yue and Nodoka had tagged along with Haruna. Ayaka was there because she "couldn't abide such unladylike behaviour in this school" and her roommate Makie was just there because she didn't have anything better to do.

Everyone was surprised that such obscenities could be uttered from the mouth of Setsuna Sakurazaki and that the servile young swordswoman could be so dominant when there was the equivalent of two-hundred horsepower worth of vibrator between her legs.

The next week, she was doing double length classes.

Of course she had apologised to her mistress for arriving back to the cabin ever later, but the answer was always a moody harrumph and a muffled "Baka robot do what you like". Chachamaru had shrugged it off as normal behaviour.

This was becoming an increasing concern, as it was written deep in her most basic subroutines that if her mistress was not satisfied with her, then there was no reason for her to be operational. So working down her decision tree for dealing with her emotional problems, it came to the last resort – asking her about it.

The reason that this relatively simple course of action had been relegated to the bottom of the pile was because the last time she had tried this as a first course of action she had ended up the next day at Hakase's laboratory with a severely charred chestplate and need of more than a few replacement parts. Chachamaru considered the alternatives…perhaps if she mollified her with a few hours of cunnilingus first, then the after-effects wouldn't be so lasting…

Currently, she was leaving Hakase's laboratory, on her way to Setsuna's after school classes. Hakase had gone out of her way to get the latest set of modifications done early. Chachamaru had found the "fine-tuning" that Hakase insisted they do afterwards…interesting to say the least.

The door slid back to reveal pretty much half the class, stripped down to their underwear, as she had previously requested. She walked up to the front of the class and rapped on the blackboard to quieten the hubbub. "Everyone, please get into pairs for practice. Who would like to help me demonstrate today?" her usual deadpan voice showed no trace of excitement, though the class had more than enough to make up for it.

Everyone except Asuna put their hands up. "Asuna-san," she said, to a chorus of groans. She had learned over the past few days that Asuna refused to pair up with anyone anyway and she considered that if she didn't use her for demonstration, Asuna would lack the full learning experience. And it wasn't like she complained.

"Asakura-san, did you bring the equipment?" Asakura nodded and grinned impishly, producing a largish sports bag from underneath the table. "Everyone take one of Asakura's dildos and watch carefully please," she continued, but the girls were already gathering around the now-open bag and cooing appreciatively. Ayaka had grabbed the largest one and was in the process of pushing a whimpering Makie down onto the table.

Nodoka had found a more human sized one and was looking at it in wonder. "Yue-san," she asked, "which end do you think goes in where?" Yue didn't answer but instead lowered Nodoka gently to the floor and mounted her like pornstars on honeymoon.

Setsuna and Konoka were over in a corner attempting the path less travelled. Unfortunately, judging by the tears streaming down her face it looked like Setsuna had bitten off more than she could chew. "O…ojou…sama…sl..slower pl..pl.please..." she managed, between thrusts. Konoka just giggled and picked up the pace.

Chachamaru just shook her head and wondered why the girls bothered to come to lessons when they were already adept with such activities and were not interested in listening to her tuition ninety percent of the time. She looked down at Asuna who was gawping at the rubber plantations that must have gone into making the thing that Chachamaru was currently holding. "Never mind, Asuna-san," she said curtly. "We'll stop here for today. You can join the others if you like." She noticed that Asuna seemed to look just that little bit disappointed.

She slid the door closed behind her and sighed. Behind the door she noted that the hijinks appeared to be escalating. By Setsuna's cries of "Ojousama!" she predicted that if Konoka didn't stop soon, she might be in the need of some medical attention. Occasionally above the hubbub there was the crack of Ayaka's riding crop followed by the yelp of a mildly abused Makie. Chachamaru wondered absently if she should bring a cushion for her tomorrow as she made her way down the path toward the cabin.

-------------------

The cabin was dark as Chachamaru clicked the door closed behind her. Eva's doll collection stared silently at her in a shaft of light piercing through a gap hastily drawn curtains. The remnants of a can of tomato juice rested precariously on the edge of the table, dripping its last dregs into the waste paper basket. Suddenly, there was a muffled grunt from the direction of the bathroom. "Mistress?" Chachamaru called softly, heading towards the door. The thin oak door was slightly ajar and the occasional splash of water indicated that Evangeline was taking a bath.

"Mistress?" she whispered again, slowly pushing open the door. There was no response as she entered the large pine-panelled bathroom. The whole room was filled with a light haze of steam. Eva sat in the bath in the far corner of the room, her eyes screwed tight and breathing hard. In her right hand she held one of Asakura's devices, one she had jauntily referred to as the "Silent Weapon". Chachamaru had not quite understood, since to her audio sensors, it was just about as loud as the ant currently making its way across the floorboards. The door shut rather loudly behind her. Eva jumped out of her skin.

The vibrator flew out of her hand, demolished a rack of shampoo, rebounded into the sink and sat there, silently convulsing.

"B…baka robot! What are you doing? Why are you back so early? And why are you barging in here without asking?" Eva quickly regained her composure and rose out of the bath, more than a little shakily.

"Mistress," replied Chachamaru. "It has come to my attention that you are unhappy about my services. I would like for you to tell the reason why, but first, I will administer some of the usual oral service to help you relax and limit collateral damage." She advanced and Eva cowered.

"Baka robot! You can't just do that! I don't want you to! Go away!"

Chachamaru ran this command thorough her translator CPU and decided that Evangeline actually meant – 'I could really do with a gut-wrenching orgasm, please eat me like a giant freezepop.'

Eva screamed.

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Two hours later, Eva and Chachamaru lay naked beside each other on the bathroom floor, glowing softly in the light from the guttering bathroom candles. The sound of the tap dripping lazily into the half-full bath echoed around the massive room.

"Are you relaxed now, master?" asked Chachamaru, turning her head towards her. Eva kept staring at the ceiling, but silently twined her fingers around hers and squeezed gently.

"Did Hakase do that to you?" Eva said finally, indicating southwards.

"Yes, she completed the modifications today."

"It looks….nice. Very realistic." Eva's gaze was still fixed to the ceiling. "I get jealous, you know." She added, after a pause.

"I'm not sure I understand, mistress"

"You, and all those girls." Evangeline rolled over on top of Chachamaru and stared into unblinking pale green eyes. Her hair cascaded haphazardly around them. Chachamaru's sensors registered something close to surprise. "You're MY familiar, Chachamaru. Mine," she shouted through clenched teeth. Her hand slammed down into the tiled floor beside Chachamaru's head. "I want you to stop doing those classes."

"But I don't understand, mistress. You did not object when I offered my services for the tea ceremony club or the Go club." Chachamaru's voice was as emotionless as usual. Eva gathered her strength and slapped her hard across the face.

"Baka robot! I object because I _love you!_" Eva angrily grabbed a towel and stormed out of the bathroom. Chachamaru sat up, confused.

She found Eva sitting in the corner of the bedroom with her hands round her knees. Her ever-present scowl was plastered below angrily sloping eyebrows and her eyes were red and puffy like she'd been crying. The damp towel was draped loosely around her shoulders and she was shivering. Chachamaru lay a dressing gown gently over the towel. "You'll get cold, mistress," she said simply.

She turned to go out, but paused at the door. "Mistress, I don't understand. I'm not even a real person. I can never return those feeling you have for me. But I will stop doing the classes if it is your wish." A pair of arms wrapped around the waist of a very surprised robot and she felt the touch of cold skin on her own synthetic covering. "Mistress, I…"

"It doesn't matter…"Evangeline mumbled. "It doesn't matter if you don't feel the same way." Eva spun Chachamaru around and stared up at her. "I just want you. To myself. To make love only to me. That's what you can give back to me. In fact…" she said, running her finger southwards down Chachamaru's abdomen, "…right now, I would like to try out Asakura's oversized eraser on the new orifice of yours that Hakase graciously installed." Her hand glowed ominously.

Suddenly, Chachamaru found herself bound face down to the bed as Eva circled around silently behind her. There was a grunt and a long sigh as Eva slowly slipped one end in place. "I can't believe that I ever found this thing too big. It fits like a glove now," said Eva, patting her perfectly flat abdomen. Chachamaru felt a slight pressure down below and a little shock jolted through newly linked neural nodes.

"Err…mistress…I don't think something that large is such a good idea…would it not be satisfactory to use one of the smaller devices? Hakase told me to be quite careful with it for the first few days, at least till the skin heals."

Eva just laughed, "Baka robot – It's too late now. I'm going to rip it open wide enough so people will mistake you for an oversized Polo mint!" And then she jammed it all the way home. Chachamaru's eyes flickered a little as some of her sensory nodes fried instantly under the stress and she felt her motor flick up to a higher gear.

"Mistress! Please!" her voice was hoarse, one of Hakase's improvements for "ambience", she guessed. "I'm going to break!"

Eva was laughing like an evil maniac now. Chachamaru considered that this was rather apt, since she was… well…at least one of the two. Her head was exploding with input from all her new sensory receptors and all her non essential systems had long since switched to power save. Just as she felt the fragile synthiskin rip under the strain, Eva's fingers reached round to touch the area where Hakase had installed all those left over pressure sensors. And then she exploded.

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Hakase tutted.

Chachamaru considered that if she were human, then this position would be somewhat embarrassing. Her feet were spread in stirrups and Hakase was fiddling around down below wearing her ridiculous head torch.

"This will require a full refit, you know, Chachamaru-san. What in the world were you doing with it?"

Chachamaru contemplated telling her, but decided to stay tactfully silent. After all, with a lover like Evangeline, there were going to be plenty of other opportunities for Hakase to find out.

End Chapter 3

Eva & Chachamaru no Bouken END


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